| Hi everyone.....need some advice re: severe behavioural issues!! |
Autmode3 - 02/04/2010 : 22:35:31
Hi Motleycat., Do not want to butt in on the advice you have already been given here but the pain of reading your particular posting is so so raw to me.Cori is bang on with her advice. Just wanted to say my oldest has severe ASD and escalated into that other associated issues now also mental health problems aged 19 now. Well basicaly aged from four to aged 11 expelled from many special needs schools very very violent no help from social services promised the earth for many years was on camhs waitng list for eight years.Was under literal house arrest because of his violence could not even leave my home to buy a pint of milk.Son was absolutely fine in his home enviroment with just his parents and baby brother.Strangers even gas men came under attack.Had to be sedated to see a doctor ,dentist or even be treated!Psychotic tendencies were looked into.(Not suggesting for one minute that your child has this but do investigate)Have you ever considered a full mental health assessment of your childs needs and a carer's assessment of your actual needs took me many many years to achieve this with bloody fight and police input for everybody's safety!!.I ws against medication completely but now in hindsight I truly wish I had agreed to medication at a much much younger age due to the fact that his quality of life's social skills and functioning and leisuretime has improved vastly.He is so so much happier doing things I never imagined in a million years he would be able to tolerate without violence.Take care keep us posted hun XX
|
lisamum - 30/03/2010 : 22:56:35
I went through camhs with my youngest and found them little help everything was put down to my divorce although they did identify my daughter as being on the asd.Now with my son I am using the educational route and asl have done a referral to an educ. psych which i hope will shed more light on his needs.
|
cori - 11/01/2009 : 18:18:34
this post has been edited 1 time(s)
 I find it very, very sad, no-one should have to live like this, my son cracked my rib when he was 5 during a very aggresive, physical outburst (one of many, but I tried to stop him that time rather than let him thrash it out himself!), people didn't seem to believe that a 5 year old had the capability to do that, which I found so annoying, but I suppose seeing is believing with our children.
I hope things get better for people, and their kids, I wish I could give some good advice..
|
debbie hargroves - 11/01/2009 : 17:52:43
I feel for you I really do we went through a similar phase and we still do off and on ,my daughter has broke my nose ,blacked both my eyes and on most days I looked like Freddie Krueger had attacked me the one time we did go out I ended up sitting on her in Woolies ! it was a total knightmare and meds didn't help it made matters worse ,her melt downs could last all day long, sometimes there were triggers sometimes none one time we were sitting there watching a cartoon the next I was on the floor blood pouring from my nose after she smashed the TV remote into it ,and as you say once they reach a certain point there is no going back you just have ride the melt down out I call it the red mist , The Challenging Behaviour foundation helped me a lot do I have the answers no I am sorry , my daughter ended up at a specialist school because her local SLD school couldn't cope with her , I have learnt to pick my battles and her school and growing up have all helped make her a lot calmer ,puberty is a big thing and many will go through a very challenging stage then ,I am sorry i have no good advice but to let you know you are not alone in what you are going through x
|
cori - 11/01/2009 : 17:51:08
this post has been edited 1 time(s)
(Sorry Motleycat I was writing this when you posted, so didn't realise, the post has been made a sticky on the Home page, so thought I'd just update it for anyone else who finds it. )
Thats our next goal - to actually work with him, as until now, he really has been untouchable. The ADHD made him like a rocket - he'd fly aroud the place, have a violent, noisy outburst, then calm a little, but it was constant, the calm never really calm enough to allow us near him, let alone interact.
I know medication is a very emotive subject, and I have always used it only as a last resort, but the difference has been noticeable, we are all calmer and happier - not constantly watching and waiting, nor constantly trying to keep one child happy, in the vain attempt it might stop the outburst before it begins!
He'll always have problems, but we do have more hope now that we can improve things, to see him sit down and watch something, react when it ends, and (in his own way) request more - that is a huge achievement, which a month ago was unthinkable, if this can also be translated into school (still early days for them to notice a difference) then it will be worth my reservations and concerns over medicating my son, a decision, for anyone, which is never an easy one to make.
|
Motleycat - 11/01/2009 : 17:44:07
Hi guys,
Thanks for all the advice on this post.
Cam has now been discharged from camhs as they dont think he has adhd and therefor dont want to medicate so i've had a pat on the back and told to keep up the great work but there is nothing they can do for him. They sent us on our way telling me on the way out the door that children with asd were more likely to suffer epileptic fits,have psychotic episodes and be suicidal with depresion.
I think from now on that when i want help i'll simply post on here rather than actually seek it from the medical professionals. The advice i receive here is certainly way more useful.
Cam has settled down a little and has been coping well for a few weeks now which is what usually happens after a few months of meltdown. Im sure i'll be posting in the near future once he turns another corner as the good spells never seem to last as long as the bad!
Fingers crossed tho!!
|
janerob - 11/01/2009 : 17:05:52
You're so damn right, Cori. The autistic part primarily reveals itself in the repetitive (and exclusionary) behaviours.
It's struck me today that since we started home-edding, our primary battle, whatever methodology we've used (Sonrise, II, Greenspan, ABA) has been how to overcome, mobilise, harness or quell these behaviours. I've got to say that we've not really been all that successful. Left to his own devices, by and large it is these behaviours which flood back. The aggression comes when we try to jerk him back too quickly into "our world" activities.
|
cori - 11/01/2009 : 16:48:21
this post has been edited 1 time(s)
After reading this thread again, I thought I'd add this.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD just before Christmas. Luckily enough, our Paed knew us well enough to know that we would have tried everything before going to her pratically begging for help.
He has been on medication (Ritalin) since then, and his behaviour has improved a lot, the constant screaming and banging we used to have has (almost) gone, and he actually will watch a 10 minute episode of Postman pat without bounding around the room - which is a huge achievement.
However, he still has 'outbursts' but they are not as Severe, or long, as they previously were.
The only thing we've noticed, is that his Autism seems to be 'back' more severely - he's doing things he hasn't done for a while, such as lining up things, twiddling the same piece of string, and having to compulsively touch certain things, he is also spitting..but compared to the violence and destructiveness we had before, these are easier to live with. I believe these traits were always there, but the ADHD overshadowed them, now the ADHD is more controlled, the Autism has seem to come out again!
Hope this helps anyone in the same position.. I had suspected ADHD for a while, but quite often told it was just the Autism, if you're in the same position, push for a dx. Good Luck.
|
cori - 01/12/2008 : 17:30:58
I can add to this, after going to CAMHS with my son - that they were little help.. the first (and only appointment) so far, was to take our family history, and observe my son.. we are still waiting for a Second Appointment,but for what, I don't know..
|
janerob - 01/12/2008 : 17:07:20
I think you've raised a very important issue, abbeylou and I hope you and Motley Cat are both OK.
My impression would be that if your son is only troubled by autism, and not other conditions, like bipolar or Tourette's, then the medication is not the thing that's going to help you guys break through what you're experiencing. Other things, i believe, can do - and this is what people are saying on this very, very interesting thread.
|
abbylou6 - 01/12/2008 : 11:32:58
hi motley, im soorry this is an old post but wondered how you were getting on? my son has started the same behaviours although he is on medication id love to talk to you my messenger is amanda@kinverwoodus.fsnet.co.uk or im on facebook. mandy xx
|
dakota - 31/07/2008 : 20:54:11
Hi Miss T, soz you're going through hell and back with wee Cam just now, this isn't a solve it all but make sure you keep up with your friends and family for time out for you.
One thing i would like to suggest is that you get yourself a timer one of these big visible egg timer things that cam can see and when (at home) he is having melt down, you get yourself to a safe place and turn the timer upside down - so it's putting you in time out. You must totally ignore him (unless he's doing anything too dangerous) if you must put on an ipod or something to block out the screaming then try this, then when your time is up you make yourself a brew... so instead of dealing with him you are giving yourself space... if he apporaches you in this time out space then you silently show hime the timer and then look away.
You need to explain this to him when he is having a calm spell though so he knows what will happen, it's just an idea... i uses this with my 7 year old in order to stop her mithering me constantly and when she is not in time out if we're out somewhere, i take the timer with me.
If she calms down while i'm in time out i will give her a sweet to reward her, if she doesn't then i carry on ignoring her and i will walk to room to room ignoring her.
She bites herself and pulls her hair and punches herslef in the head, i gnore this though.
|
Jo Forshaw - 31/07/2008 : 20:20:16
I am now all for medication IF IT IS NECESSARY AND IF IT IS BENEFICIAL FOR THE CHILD AND THE FAMILY and in your case I think it would definately be beneficial so I would stamp my feet and insist something be done about it, they do listen when you pester them in a firm way, even to just shut you up!! Do you have any family or friends to support you? If you have time to recharge your batteries then you may be able to cope a bit beter with him. Sorry I can't be of more help, I had a phase of this with both of my kids and I found that really hard so I really do sympathise with you!
|
Billy Davies 28 - 31/07/2008 : 18:40:46
Hi
I would try a brief period where you don't take him out and see if he calms down in the home enviroment. If he does there are or will be a trigger for this behaviour and a pay off.
You can begin praising when he is gentle and nice to you and then when he tries to hit, as calm as you can just stand up and explain you don't like it when he hurts you so you slowly just remove yourself. If he starts to self harm/biting himself. You can acknowlegde it but try not to ogive it a big reaction or rush to stop him. I have seen this approach work with many children. It is not a definite for all children, but itis something you can do at home. I don't know how verbal he is but if you sense it comes from frustration. You can try labelling a word that would make you move faster than if he melts down. If that makes sense.
You could phone me if yo u like and i could ggive you some more ideas that we used to celebrate the good behaviour Edward does and how we react to other tantrums(its been a while, he is a lot more content.)and button pushing, where he does things solely for the reaction it gets
|
wendy sullivan - 31/07/2008 : 17:28:26
Hi motleycat. My son Philly lashes out all the time and he is not choosy about who he attacks. I dread taking him anywhere because the slightest thing will set him off, kicking, biting, scratching, and he snarls while he is doing it. He is nearly 5 and we mostly keep him in his major buggy as he has less access to people. When we go out now he puts a blanket over his head so that he cant see anybody, when he does this he attacks less, we get some really strange looks from people but i think well, it's better than having a chunk bitten off your leg! He attacks his sibs quite violently as well, and i find this very difficult to deal with.
|
jenny-ann - 31/07/2008 : 17:22:42
Awful..bet you feel at your wits end..
What kid of meds are availabe for this...just in case i may need in the future...
jenx
|
Motleycat - 31/07/2008 : 17:09:06
Hi jenny ann
I took it upon myself to go on some behaviour managment courses so i have a little knowledge but once cameron has escalated to a certain stage there's nothing that any one can do. We also have no idea what the triggers are, mostly there doesn't seem to be any? His language has come along fairly well and he uses quite a bit now and his understanding of simple speech has improved but again when he gets distressed words dont have any meaning to him.At home it's easy enough to walk away and leave him to wait it out but it's impossible to do it when your out and about as he's such a risk. It's the aggression which is causing the biggest problems as he wont just hit out at me,it's whoever happend to get near him. xxx
|
jenny-ann - 31/07/2008 : 16:38:45
this post has been edited 1 time(s)
Hi motley cat. Have you ben gievn advice or training from any of these services on how to manage his behaviour?
Has anyone discussed with you or have you thought of any triggers for his outbursts and aggression? Whats his communication like? I don't just mean his ability to talk and say words but also his undersatnding of the words he is using....its just you mentioned that he does'nt alway seem to be able to put the facts he is learning to a practical use.....
it may be do you think that he is very unhappy and angry? I have only my eldest sonms behaviour to refer to but he was very aggressive hes adhd....from 7-15 really, and managing his behaviour I got from reading loads of books and discussing with other mums in support groups etc.
Perhaps looking at the trigger or culmination of triggers might help...as then you can look at how theses issues can be managed. if its his language ? finding ways of improving this etc.
Hope this helps
jenx
|
cori - 31/07/2008 : 14:35:08
I used to be totally against Medication!! And turned down meds for sleeping for Several months (nearly ending up in a breakdown for me, the family and marriage!) before trying them. It was the best thing I ever did, and the children still use them. I certainly wouldn't think twice about giving meds to my son if his behaviour got worse..It is very true that although we do it for our children, and sometimes don't want to, we also have to think about our own needs..If we are not functioning properly then how can we help our children?? I really hope you get the help you need.. In answer to your question, the only reason I know my kids have Severe Learning difficulties is that they go to an SLD School, and have a diagnosis of Severe Autism, and are Functioning way below their Chronological ages of 4&5, at between 6 - 18m depending on area... It wasn't diagnosed by any particular test, just based on their educational needs - hope this helps..
|
jayzee - 31/07/2008 : 14:33:57
Hiya motleycat..its horrible seeing your child going through this ..hope things pick up for you soon xoxo
|
|
